ON A WHIM

So, you know, I have flaked off a bit. But out of curiosity I just weighed my self. I am proud to say without even really working on it too hard, I AM UNDER 300#!!!!!! Just barely at 299# but still! I can throw a mini dance party in my living room for this, right? Lol

LESSON TO LEARN

I love taking pictures.... of other people. Point a camera in my direction and I have a fit. I think candid snapshots are the best.... just not of me. I came across this today and need to learn to relax and try and see what others claim they see in me. Someday I will be cm for table enough to just let my guard down around people who are picture happy.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5613551?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046&ir=Women

STILL AROUND

This picture pretty much sums it up. I haven't given up but I haven't been trying. Every time I think about posting I freak out and just dont post a darn thing.

I have purchased some good walking shoes AND I have been walking several times. So there's that! I also bought a pedometer but that crazy jerk lies! I know i walked more steps than it says. Haha

I need to change things in my diet soon. I keep getting sick. I guess Gluten free? I don't know.

Well until next time.

Don't give up on me.

PLEASE!

BYE BYE 2013

It's a New Year, It's a New Year….
When one door closes another one opens….
God will only give you what you can handle….

What the HELL ever!!!!! Yes it is a New Year, but I am not new, yet. Everyday is a new beginning to be a new you. It is up to you (ME) to make that happen. Not anyone else. And it just being a new year doesn't mean you automatically start over.

The whole door thing. Well that bugs me. Just, what if the door closes but the other one is nailed shut? What then? Oh and windows, what if they are painted shut? What then??? You need to carry around an axe to get the hell out of where you are stuck.

I have never been a real religious person. And this is not what this is about. I have been pushed to the limits in 2013. Like I mentioned in an earlier post I needed a time out. Everything was getting to me. I was going to concentrate on my children and family. Not solely on myself. I obviously couldn't handle all that God thought I could last year. I gave up, even for just a little bit.

I refuse to make New Years Resolutions. What's the point. I am a procrastinator and things hardly every get done. I still haven't set up my monthly goals. See, PROCRASTINATION!!!! 

But I will tell you this. I am focusing on me now. Stress levels are down a smidge, although things are not looking straight up, I do see a glimmer of light, let's hope it's not a train. 

I will not be weighing myself anytime this month. Well that's a lie. I just did, and it wasn't bad news. I haven't gained!!!! January is still going to be an iffy month for me and my family, but I will be starting on ME. Small steps. teeny tiny steps really. But it's a start.

And on a side note… I can't believe my little old  blog has almost 1100 page views. Hopefully in the coming months I will have great things for you all to be reading. 

So stay with me and stay tuned!! xoxo

NOT THE END, JUST A TIME OUT

I know, I know.  I haven't been keeping up with my journey details. Well to tell you the truth there are not many details to be shared. I was doing so well, keeping positive and stuff then life happened…. again!!!

I decided that I needed a time out. I can not concentrate on more than 1 thing at a time right now. So I suppose, before you all start calling me a quitter, I will share with you, some of my problems, even tho they are rather personal. Just so you can understand why I am taking a break (for now).

2013 has been a rough year for my family. In March my husband switched jobs. It was less pay, better hours and he gets to be home more often now and watch our beautiful little girls grow up in person, not just in the pictures of many sporting events or school events that he would have to miss out on, by being at work always.

We knew it would be a tough couple of months to get used to the lower income and we also knew that I would need to also look for a part time job. We thought that we would be able to handle it through the summer until I really had to buckle down and get a job. It took forever to get a job for me. By the time tho, that I got my job we were so far behind in some of our bills that it was so overwhelming. 

OH wait, let me back track just a hair. When hubs left his job in March is was for another dealership (cars) and that didn't work out, so he was out of work for a while. He had a temp job that helped a little but they wouldn't hire him full time. So he is where he is now and loving it.

Ok, back to me now. LOL  I had to get on government assistance for food, or else we wouldn't have enough food for the week. You can only live off of so much Ramen Noodles, no matter what college kids say. That right there, having to get assistance takes a toll on your pride and adds to your stress. We tried desperately to get caught up on bills but couldn't quite get there. So we decided that we had to get the car taken care of first and so we did. But unfortunately we are so behind on our house now that it is now in the foreclosure proceedings. 

The whole time we were catching up on the car payments and keeping up with the months bills to run the house, we were on the phone with the mortgage company trying to modify our loan. We got notice about 3 weeks ago that they can not do anything to help us. So there you have it, FORECLOSURE. 

I have been concentrating so hard on keeping a normal life for my daughters so they don't realize that our life is falling apart. They are too young to have to worry about these problems. We don't spend frivolously when we do have money, Ok, well sometimes we splurge and eat out and see a movie, but for the most part, it always goes towards bills. So to actually not have any money is horrifying and I don't think it's right for a 9 and a 5 year old to have to deal with it.

In the past 15 months we have had 4 deaths in our family. My sister in law, Hubs grandpa, our niece and just this morning my father in law past away. That alone is more than anyone can handle. Just thinking about how short life can be makes me want to have a healthier life and I am still working on it, just not as diligently. 

I don't need to be worried about if I ate that carb or if I got my gallon of water in. I need to worry about my family and keeping us together and loved. Once I get these financial blows figured and straightened out, my break will be over. I will be hitting the pavement walking off pounds and concentrating more on healthy options for meals. Right now tho, Ramen Noodles and whatever else we can afford is whats on the menu.

Many of you might not agree with me taking a break, and that is alright. We all deal with things differently. As for me, my depression, lack of wealth, and stress… we will take a break!

Time out

No I haven't given up. Just put myself on a time out. Will explain more when I get time. Don't give up on me! Stay tuned for a real blog update...

IT HAPPENS

It's been awhile ... I know, I am not good at keeping up with the goings on of my journey. When there is GOOD news, I would be happy to post, but when there is blah, boring, not exciting news, I don't......this isn't the most horrible of news...... but it happens.

It doesn't matter what kind of diet, exercise or healthy eating habits I do and I lose weight... I go on a bender. It's usually when I am done with a goal. I can say that at least I did my backsliding before my journey is over, so now it is out of my system. 

I did my 8 day detox an loved the weight loss and the way I was feeling. I was to follow up the 8 day with 4 weeks of carb cycling. I started off strong but then wonky work schedules got in my way. I slept when I was used to being away, therefore my eating schedule got messed up as well. As much as I would like to place all of the blame on work, I can not. If I was as dedicated as I thought I was, I would have made myself work out a better system. I didn't have meals prepared for work hours so I would cram a peanut butter and jelly in my face on my way to work. Soda accidentally made it's way back into my system as well... 

OOOPS I DID IT AGAIN.....

With all that being said this happened....

2# gain in a couple of weeks. Could be worse, true but it shouldn't have happened to begin with.  I can find excuses and place the blame on many things. But in all actuality the blame falls on me. There is no denying it.

So my plan now is this: get back to carb cycling, don't let work interfere with my journey, give pop the boot, again, well after I finish this one that is. ;) And I decided that I need to set weight goals or size goals to have something to work for and look forward to, Oh and I definitely will start my walking like I said maybe a million times before.

NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!